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The Twilight Zone: Tales of gym management

I typically say this as a positive: we draw a different breed of people at NBS.  The people that are drawn to a gym that encourages emotional lifting, liberal use of chalk, and loud music are weirdos, but they are my kind of weirdos.  That said, there are still instances that leave me completely baffled.  Below are a few moments that have left me scratching my head or looking for a stiff drink.

 

1.) I walked in this past Sunday to THIS:

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That is, indeed, an elitefts pro microband wrapped around a stepmill with a shakeweight in the cupholder.  I have no idea what happened here, but the possibilities are pretty limited. (note: if you did this, please shoot me a message and tell me WTF this was all about).

2.) A fella came in looking for a “hardcore” gym.  During the gym tour he  told me he was

a.) an ifbb classic physique pro (this happened to be the week after the very first classic physique pro card were awarded, but I didnt bother mentioning it.)

b.) sponsored by 4 different supplement companies. (typically frowned upon.)

c.)  a world record bench presser in the “178lb class.”  Further, he had broken that record during a photoshoot in Cananda using a swiss bar. (not a real class, not a sanctioned meet…whatever.)

We never really saw this guy ever again, except when he quietly cancelled his membership, sadly.

3.) Speaking of hardcore: One day during an early morning scan of the gym, I found what turned out to be A TOOTH just laying on the ground.

4.) Identity fraud: We had a fairly active gym member for a few months that got fairly involved in the gym: competed in a local show, came to cook outs, did clinics…that just disappeared one day without cancelling his membership.  Later, cited that he had never been in the gym, and in fact someone had stolen his identity, credit card, and IDs (and I guess his face/body).

5.)  JOB INTERVIEWS!  We recently changed our hiring process.  A few sample answers from our recent front desk hiring, all from different candidates:

Me: “Tell me about the last time you were late to work, and how did you handle it?.”
Candidate: “Well. I was 15 minutes late to this interview.  Its just who I am. Im late. I figure you can be late for a total of 60 minutes every six months.”

Me: “Is there anything you are concerned about when it comes to this position?”
Candidate: “I gotta be honest, I have no sincere interest in fitness. Or the gym.”

Email body: “Whats the deal with the job?” (For reference, this is a horrible employment inquiry)

Me: “Is there any concerns you have about taking this front desk position that you would like me to address?”

Candidate: “Well…I dont think I can be a bodybuilder. Are y’all going to make me compete in one of those body shows?”

6.) A real cancellation request:

Former member: “I dont want to turn in my fob.  I want to keep my entry fob so I can use the gym when I get off work late.  I just dont want to pay for it.”

Me: “Sorry. To clarify, you would like gym access, but you do not want to pay for the gym access?”
Former member: “right. What are you having a hard time understanding?! IM SPEAKING PLAIN ENGLISH”*irately*

 

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